The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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