I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
