the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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