i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
