i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Text me some of your sweat
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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