dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
