My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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