so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
