my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
