so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love you. Go after that dick
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize