So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
