the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
