Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
