If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
