my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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