He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
