Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
