i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They have beer where we have blood.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
