you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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