yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
