You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize