Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
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