dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
