Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
