just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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