i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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