It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
