Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
