im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
