I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
