If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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