I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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