i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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