Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
