she woke up with a sticky ear
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize