Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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