9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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