you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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