my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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