Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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