I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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