you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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