my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
