you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
