I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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