Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
