My brain says no but my pants say off.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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