Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
