What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
