we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Come see our sink grown plant.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
