I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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