This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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