seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We left an ass print on the piano.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
