Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
