so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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