She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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