you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
