I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize