I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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