Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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