i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Still dying that you shit outside
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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