i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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