I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
