I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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