the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
