Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
