my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
