You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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