she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
