I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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