Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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