The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
