That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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