I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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