I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
