Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize