Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
