I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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