My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
