Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
