So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
