He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize