she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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