i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
