We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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