I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
