I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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