Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
