I wish I only lived at night.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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