this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize