Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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