dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
