remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
