4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
