i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
