i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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