my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
