I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
