I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
