Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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