I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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