Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
