I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
