Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
