I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
