wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
