apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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