you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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