Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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