i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have tasted many bathrooms
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
