I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
