Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
