and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize