the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
