CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
