is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
