My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
