Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
