do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
