...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
