I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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