I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Randomize