we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
